JeSt fOr LaUgHs...

[melody]

Titswiggle

There was once a woman who owned a dog that she named Titswiggle.

One day when she came home from work she discovered that her beloved dog had run away.

She was out all night asking if anyone had seen a loose dog.

Nobody had seen him that night, but the next morning she met a little boy who said that he had seen a stray dog.

The dog he described matched hers exactly. Upon finding out this information she asked the young boy,

"Have you seen my Titswiggle?"

Then the boy said,

"No, but can that be my reward?"

=====


Roger had set a double date for himself and his friend Troy.

Roger said, "Troy, I'll give you first choice. Let me tell you what they're like."

"Okay," said his buddy. "Sandra has kind of a dumpy figure. She's short on looks, but she gives an incredible blow-job. Suzie is pretty and has a perfect pair of legs, which she shows off by wearing shoes with very high heels."

"Say no more," interrupted Troy. "I'll go for head over heels anytime."

=====

There once was a woman from New Zealand
Who had a peculiar feeling
She laid on her back
And tickled her crack
And pissed all over the ceiling

 

[melody]

Weekly Friday Show

To the couple fucking on the third floor apt across the street from my office:

We at X Associates would like to thank you for your weekly Friday show. every Friday at 4 we can count on you to get it on and on and on.

I must admit my surprise in a city full of skyscrapers that someone in a third floor apt in midtown doesn't see the need for window coverings of any sort especially when there is a 17 floor office building across the street.

I only can assume you are feeling the need to keep up with the porn shop that opened up on the first floor of your building. though I question your intelligence I applaud your lusty lifestyle.

Last weeks super freaky positions sex was great fun. all the engineers here are still trying to work out the logistics on a couple of those positions, and we are fairly sure that one of them is physically impossible due to the stresses it would put on the female body.

This weeks theme seems to be speed fucking from behind...and was that a third person in the room we saw, we aren't sure but oh what randy fun. and once again we are amused, and titillated.

You have no idea what a welcome break you bring when the call comes from that side of our office that the fuckers are at it again.

The cubicles clear out and you have 20 some odd men, and one woman (me) pressed against the windows.

As much as we enjoy the current show we do have some ideas that could really bring it to the next level of enjoyment for your adoring viewers.

1. Invest in some kind of glare free glass for the window. the glare gets nasty on overcast days like today and we could barely make out who was slapping who on the ass.

2. Move a bit closer to the window...not too close, just say a foot. this give us the viewer the premium viewing situation.

3. Man...get rid of the chubby girl, from certain angles well she is just too much woman for us.

4. Sex against the window, just think about the fun that would be had for all, you then could see us we could see you, it would be a wonderous intimate act for the 25 of us.

5. Maybe add one more show a week, I know last week you did a bonus wednesday show and it went over great, it really warmed us up for friday.

I would really like once again to thank you on behalf of us all here at X Associates. you make what is the best day of the work week here even better, because nothing can beat seeing two young people as yourself fuck like monkeys right before we leave this hellhole for the weekend.

 

[melody]

Woman Named Jess

There once was a woman named Jess--
Bisexual, she'd readily confess.
She loved a good dick,
but pussy she'd lick,
and leave both a wet gooey mess.

=====

If you think life is bad now, how would you like to be an egg? You only get laid once. You get eaten once. It takes four minutes to get hard, only two minutes to get soft. You share your box with 11 other guys, but worst of all, the only chick that ever sat on your face was your mom! So cheer up, your life isn't that bad!

=====

Three Things Women Can Do That Men Can't:

1. Bleed for a week and not die.
2. Give milk without eating grass
3. Bury an eight inch bone faster than any dog!

=====

Q: What's red, black and blue and lies in the gutter?
A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.
Q: How is a woman like a road?
A: Both have manholes.
Q: Why are women like screen doors?
A: Once they get banged a few times, they loosen up.
Q: What do you call the useless flesh which surrounds a vagina?
A: A woman.

 

[melody]

Kool Q & A

Q: If a tennis player gets tennis elbow, what does a
gynecologist get?
A: Tunnel vision.
------------ ---------
Q: Why do women have faces?
A: So you know which pussy is yours.
------------ ---------
Q: What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
A: Outlaws are wanted.
------------ ---------
Q: Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together?
A: To prevent the sensible ones from going home.
------------ ---------
Q: Why are gingerbread men the best men of all?
A: They are cute. They are sweet. And if they give you
any lip, you can bite their friggin' heads off.
------------ ---------
Q: What does a horny toad say?
A: "Rub-it Rub-it"
------------ ---------
Q: When do you know a man is desperate ?
A: When he practices yoga just so he can give himself head.
------------ ---------
Q: Who are the three most dangerous men a man can meet?
A1: A black guy with a gun,
A2: A Puerto Rican with a knife,
A3: A gay man with a chipped tooth.
------------ ---------
Q: Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple?
A: Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.
------------ ---------
Q: What is the definition of a bachelor?
A: It's some guy who's depriving some woman of her
God-given right to alimony.
------------ ---------
Q: How can you tell a bachelor from a married man?
A: A bachelor comes to work from a different direction
each morning.
------------ ---------
Q: What is the definition of a "smart ass"?
A: Someone who can sit on an ice cream cone and tell you
what flavor it is.
------------ ---------
Q: What do you get when you cross an onion with a donkey?
A: 99 times out of 100 you get an onion with long ears.
But that ONE time out of 100, you get a piece of ass
that makes your eyes water....
------------ ---------
Q. What did the mouse say when they gave him viagra?
A. "Here pussy, pussy, pussy!"
------------ ---------
Q: What's the biggest advantage of speed-reading?
A: You can take a shit in half the time.
------------ ---------
Q: How can you tell a blonde has been at a computer?
A: There's cheese in front of the mouse.
------------ ---------
Q: What do women and milk cartons have in common?
A: You gotta open the flaps to get to the good stuff.
------------ ---------
Q: Did you hear about the dentist who married a manicurist?
A: After a month they were fighting tooth and nail.

 

[melody]

Horny Old Geezer

One night, a horny old geezer decides to get himself a hooker.
Since the man doesn't have much money, he looks for the cheapest whore in the nearest Red Light District.
A short while later, he finds what he's looking for and spends $10 for oral sex and intercourse.
The next morning the old geezer wakes up and discovers he has crabs.
So, he gets dressed and heads down to where he had been the night before.
He notices the same hooker on the street corner, so he marches over to her and says, "Hey, lady, you gave me crabs!"

The hooker replies, "Hey, old man, what did you expect for $10 Lobster?"

=====

Once a blonde kept having the same weird dream every day, so she went to her doctor.
What was your dream about?
Blonde: a vampire was chasing me!
Doctor: Really. What was the scenery like?
Blonde: I was running in a hallway.
Doctor: Then what happened?
Blonde: Well, that is the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened.
I would always come to this door, but I could not open it.
I kept pushing the door and pushing the door, but it would not budge!
Doctor: Did the door have any letters on it?
Blonde: Yes, it did.
Doctor: And what did the letters spell?
Blonde: It said, "P-U-L-L."

 

[melody]

YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled,
"YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE".
He stormed in to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on,
you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law.
You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating
my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.

After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind
of sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax.
You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you
will massage my feet and hands.
Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
The wife replied, "The f*ckin' funeral director would be my first guess."
=====

What's red and has seven little dents?
Snowhite's cherry!

What doe Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer do on Friday nights?
Goes down to the Elk's Club & blows a few bucks.

 

[melody]

The Pretty Teacher

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her young students so she
took him aside after class one day.

"Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"

"I'm in love," replied Little Johnny.

Holding back an urge to smile, the teacher asked, "With whom?"

"With you!" he said.

"But Little Johnny," said the teacher gently, "don't you see how silly
that is? Sure I'd like a husband of my own someday ... but I don't want
a child."

"Oh, don't worry," said Little Johnny reassuringly,

"I'll use a rubber!"


=====

If I had a cock of steel and balls of solid brass
I'd find a marble statue and ram it up it's ass.

Q: What's the first thing Adam said to Eve?
A: Stand back, I don't know how big this thing gets.

Q: What do dykes cook for dinner?
A: They don't cook, they eat out.

 

[melody]

Home Drunk

A man comes home drunk in the wee hours of the morning to find his wife
angry and waiting for him at the door.
"Out drinking again!?" she says. "How much money did you spend this time?"
"$100," answers the man.
"$100!" she shouts. "That's ridiculous, spending that much in one night!"
"Easy for you to say," he replies. "You don't smoke, you don't drink,
and you have your own pussy."

=====

There once was a queen from Bulgariar
whose bush grew hairier and hairier
a prince from Peru
came up for a screw
and had too hunt for her cunt with a terrier.

=====

Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar. One complained to the other, "Boy, business sucks. If I don't sell more cars this month, I'm going to lose my fucking arse."

Too late he noticed a beautiful blonde sitting two stools away. Immediately, he apologized for his bad language.

"That's okay," the blonde replied, "If I don't sell more arse this month, I'm going to lose my fucking car."

 

[melody]

Five Year Old Boys

Two five-year-old boys are standing at the toilet to pee.

One says, ' Your thingy doesn't have any skin on it.'
I've been circumcised, the other one says.
What's that mean?
It means they cut the skin off at the end.'
How old were you when it was cut off?
'My mum said I was two days old.'
Did it hurt?
You bet it hurt. I couldn’t walk for a year,'

=====

Q: What's the definition of confusion?
A. Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market.

=====

There once was a woman from Latch,
Who jacked herself off with a match.
She got so excited,
The damn thing ignited,
And burnt all the hair off her snatch.

=====

Tom in deep thoughts is sitting calm, very quiet.

Jerry asks, "What is wrong with you, Tom?"

"Please don't ask."

"I am your childhood friend. Talk to me."

"My seven year old son made my secretary pregnant."

"That's not possible."

"No, he did."

"How's that possible?" "He punctured my condoms!"

 

[melody]

Top 10 Answers Men Would Most Like To Give To Women's Stupid Questions, But Never Will

10. No, we can't be friends, I just want to use you for sex.

9. The dress doesn't make you look fat, its all the fucking ice-cream and chocolate you eat that makes you look fat.

8. You've got shit chance of me calling you.

7. No, I won't be gentle.

6. Of course you have to swallow.

5. Well, yes actually, I do this all the time.

4. I hate your fucking friends.

3. I have every intention of using you, and no intention of speaking to you after tonight.

2. I'd rather watch a stick movie.

1. Eat it? It took me 10 schooners to get up the courage to fuck it.

=====

A trucker drives his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill and starts down the other side when he notices a man and a woman making love in the center of the road. He blows his horn several times, but they don't budge. He slams on his brakes and stops just inches from them.

Getting out of the cab, madder than hell, the trucker walks to the couple, still in the road, and yells, "What the hell's the matter with you two? Didn't you hear me blowing the horn? You could've been killed!"

The man on the highway looks up and says, "Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes."

 

[melody]

From The Continuing Saga Of Little Johnny

One day, little Johnny was bugging his mother, so she told him to
go outside and play. Johnny went outside and down the street. He
saw firefighters rescue a little baby from a burning building and save
the day. He ran home all excited that he saw this, and started to tell
his mother. She interrupted him, saying, "I already heard it all on my
scanner." Little Johnny pouts and goes to his room.

The next day, his mother tells him to go out and play. Again he goes
down the street and this time he sees an ambulance show up at an
accident and save the people's lives. He rushes home and starts to tell
his mother what he saw. She interrupts saying she already heard it on
her scanner.

Again The next day, she sends him out to play, but this time he decides
to go a different way. He walks around farmer Mac's barn and sees him
screwing a pig in the ass. He thinks to himself man I shouldn't be here.
He starts to sneak away when "snap", he steps on a twig. Mac hears him
and says, "Hey Johnny is that you?" Johnny says, "Yeah." The farmer ask
Johnny if he wants to try it. Johnny thinks, why not, and has himself
the time of his life.

When he's done he runs home and starts yelling, "Mommy, mommy, guess
what I did today!"

She says, "OK, what?"

He proudly says, "I got laid."

She replies, "In a pig's ass."

Johnny, now pissed, screams, "DAMN SCANNER!!"

 

[melody]

Strain Of Gonorrhea

A young couple went to the doctor for their annual physical exams.

Afterwards, the doctor called the young man into his office and told him that he had some good news and some bad news. "The good news," he explained, "is that your fiance has an particular strain of gonorrhea that I have only heard of once before." The guy paled.

"If that's the good news, then what the hell is the bad news?" "Well," the doctor elaborated, "the bad news is that I heard about this nasty strain just last week from my dog's vet."

=====

One day a little boy sees his mother stepping out of the shower and curiously points to her triangle of hair and asks, "Mommy, what's that?"
"That's my mop", she replies. The little boy then asks, "Where is the handle?" The mother replies, "Oh, Dad is going to put it on tonight."

 

[melody]

Little Johnny

One day, when Little Johnny was about 6 years old, he and his father went to look at some puppies. When he came home, he ran up to his mom and informed her that there were four puppies. Three were boys and one was a girl.

His mother was impressed and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.

"Well," says Little Johnny "The girl was brown colored, but all the boys were black."

"Yes, dear, but how did the colour tell you if they were male or female?" asked his mother.

Exasperated, Little Johnny retorted, "The colour doesn't tell you, silly, the black ones all had cocks."

=====

Q: Why did the blonde pee on the floor?
A: Because the sign said "wet floor."
==
What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A genealogist looks up the family tree,
and a gynecologist looks up the family bush.

 

[melody]

Responses To Pick Up Lines

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

Man: So, wanna go back to my place ?
Woman: Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

Man: I'd like to call you. What's your number?
Woman: It's in the phone book.
Man: But I don't know your name.
Woman: That's in the phone book too.

Man: So what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: What sign were you born under?
Woman: No Parking.

Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not Enter

Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone.

Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

Man: I can tell that you want me.
Woman: Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you.....to leave.

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy
Woman: Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die
laughing.

Man: Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?
Woman: Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I'd go through anything for you.
Woman: Good! Let's start with your bank account.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?

 

[melody]

TOP 10 REASONS WHY CYBER SEX IS BETTER

10. If the date goes bad, changing your Screen Name is easier then changing your real name.

9. Bathing, dressing, supplying atmosphere is optional.

8. If you get drunk and blackout, you only wake up next to a keyboard.

7. You can exercise your offensive habits without embarrassing yourself.

6. Viagra! Who needs Viagra?

5. Your partner could have more of a personality than your inflatable friends.

4. Three words: No shotgun weddings.

3. All guys look like George Clooney and all women like Pamela Anderson.

2. They never have to know you live in your parents basement.

1. If you catch a virus, only your computer dies.

=====

There once was a plumber from Leigh
Was plumbing a girl by the sea
Said the girl "Somebody's coming."
Said the plumber still plumbing
"If anyone's coming it's me!"

 

[melody]

Advantages/Disadvantages Of Having A Threesome

Advantages

1. It can get really weird
2. Someone can go for beer without
interrupting the proceedings
3. There's always a hand or mouth
free when you need one
4. Motel rooms split 3
ways are only $13
5. You get to watch your
best friends making love
6. You get to get watched
making love
7. Simultaneous enjoying intercourse and
oral sex has to be experienced to
be believed
8. You get strange looks when
you all go out dancing
9. You get really strange looks when
you all go out comparison shopping for
condoms
10. Enough people to play gin rummy
if things don't work out
11. You can safely check yourself for any
homosexual tendencies without
actually doing anything about it
12. Calling out the wrong name during
climax isn't as much of a problem, the
"wrong name" is probably the one on your left
13. Three-person showers are fantastic
14. Three-person naked belly laughs are even better
15. Three-person kisses are best
=====

Disadvantages

1. It can get really weird
2. Tougher for three people to
decide on pizza toppings
3. Simultaneous orgasms are
even trickier to pull off
4. You may harbor paranoid thoughts that
while you're in the bathroom; the
other two are giggling over the pimple on your butt
5. Trying to find safe places to put your elbows
6. You get to find out what kind of really
sick things your friends like
7. Queen-sized beds are suddenly smaller
than you remember them
8. Trying to fit 3 names in the little heart
when drawing on your notebooks
9. Morning breath multiplied by 3
10. You might discover homosexual tendencies
you didn't suspect or want
11. You might discover homosexual tendencies
in one of your friends you
didn't suspect or want
12. You have the option of wrecking twice
the normal number of relationships
13. The odds of boyfriends/spouses
walking in on you triple
14. Sorting clothes quickly when the
boyfriend/spouse walks in assumes
comical proportions
15. Now there are two wet spots to avoid.

 

[melody]

She demanded I gave her affection
Then opened her thighs for inspection;
I found her quite nice
'Til I noticed the lice
And immediately lost my erection.

Before they could jump on my dick
I re-buttoned my fly pretty quick;
But she shouted, "You fool!
All I want is your tool!"
So I gave her my shovel and pick.

=====

Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming
pool.
"You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going
to report you."
"But everyone pees in the pool," said Little Johnny.
"Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"

=====

Sing a song of syphilis,
A fanny full of crabs,
Four and twenty absesses,
Twice as many scabs,
When it starts to open,
A crab begins to sing
What a fucking dirty cunt to put a penis in !

=====

Two drunks are sitting in a bar when one smells something foul. He turns to the other. "Hey man," he says, "did you shit yourself?"
"Yeah," says the second drunk.
"Well, why don't you go clean yourself up?"
"I ain't through yet.

 

[melody]

I.M. With An Idiot

This classic IM actually happened with an old friend of mine. (Sillygirll693) I crack up every time I read it.

Hello all...
Today I had an ecounter with someone who is probably the stupidest person on the face of the Earth. You all know how much I HATE the a/s/l IMs, and I just could NOT back down from giving this loser everything I could think of to throw at him...LOL... enjoy.. I sure did..hehehe.


NHWhGuy: a/s/l/ pic
Sillygirll693: do I know you?
NHWhGuy: not yet
Sillygirll693: then please don't IM me
NHWhGuy: why
Sillygirll693: because I said so.
NHWhGuy: why
Sillyigirll693: do you speak English?

( five minutes later...)

NHWhGuy: want fuck
Sillygirll693: excuse me?
NHWhGuy: i am 10 inces
Sillygirll693: and I am the first lady. Go away.
NHWhGuy: I lik pussy
Sillygirll693: You have a wonderful grasp of the english
language. What are you ... 12?
NHWhGuy: want fuck
Sillygirll693: I am not sure I understand you.. are you asking
a question or making a statement?
NHWhGuy: i am 16
Sillygirll693: 16 inches or 16 years old?
Sillygirll693: Keep in mind that 16 AOL inches equals 4 real
life inches?
NHWhGuy: 10 inces
Sillygirll693: well I wish you would make up your mind. 10 INCHES
is actually 2.
NHWhGuy: cyber
Sillygirll693: Hey!! You spelled something right! You'll make it to
the third grade in no time.
NHWhGuy: what
Sillygirll693: what?
NHWhGuy: r u hot
Sillygirll693: Well, actually it is snowing here, so it is hard to be hot
NHWhGuy: mak u hot
Sillygirll693: you couldn't MAKE me hot if I was sitting bare-assed on
a wood stove.
NHWhGuy: Make you walk the sheets
Sillygirll693: What's that? Your mother walks the streets? Oh now I
understand things much better..
NHWhGuy: u r funny ha ha
Sillygirll693: Thank you. You are an imbecile.
NHWhGuy: u lik me
Sillygirll693: Lick you or like you? Either way I will have to think about
it a bit..
Sillygirll693: Ok, thought about it..... NO
NHWhGuy: r u white
Sillygirll693: actually I am a pinkish color.
Sillygirll693: Is your neck red?
Sillygirll693: Do you have a junkyard in front of your trailer?
NHWhGuy: what
Sillygirll693: Me Tarzan, you Jane.
NHWhGuy: i like u
Sillygirll693: I am so glad to hear that.
Sillygirll693: It is past your naptime, kid. Better go upstairs and brush
your tooth, pop a few zits, etc.
NHWhGuy: no its not
Sillygirll693: Then why is your mother calling you? Never mind, I don't
want to know.
NHWhGuy: why
Sillygirll693: why what? Why do you have the IQ of a goat? I have the
answer...INBREEDING.
NHWhGuy: i have a g/f
Sillygirll693: Oh really? How many teeth does she have?
Sillygirll693: Does she shave her mustache before kissing you?
NHWhGuy: we like 3ways
Sillygirll693: Oh cool.. I know someone who might be interested.
NHWhGuy: who
Sillygirll693: she's right here .....baaaaaaa...baaaaaaa
Sillygirll693: she still smells like the barn, but I am sure you are used
to that
NHWhGuy: why
Sillygirll693: because she is a sheep, numbstick!
NHWhGuy: why u have sheep
Sillygirll693: oh forget it. Go get your own.
Sillygirll693: a pimple on my ass would have ten times the intelligence you have.
NHWhGuy: cyber me
Sillygirll693: hmm.. let me think about it awhile.
Sillygirll693: No
NHWhGuy: u dont like me
Sillygirll693: Really! What gave you that idea?
NHWhGuy: why r u in bi room
Sillygirll693: Well, you see I thought maybe if I came in here another 16
year old sheep-fucking, pimple-faced, braincell-challenged redneck idiot
with a 2 inch penis and a 3 word vocabulary might IM me and try to cyber.

(Long pause)

Sillygirll693: was that too many words for you?
NHWhGuy: i am not 16
Sillygirll693: Really.. and I thought you were being honest.
NHWhGuy: i am 20
Sillygirll693: as if it makes all the difference in the world.
NHWhGuy: age dont matter
Sillygirll693: actually it does, since you claim to be 20 with the intellect
of a 14 year old pervert.
NHWhGuy: fuck u
Sillygirll693: No thanks, I am not into sheep.
Sillygirll6931: baaaaaaaa baaaaaaaa
NHWhGuy: u r funny
Sillygirll693: nope.. I am Silly you dorkhead.

Sillygirll693: Well junior, it's been fun. But I know you should be taking a
nap by now, or your mommy will be mad at you and Santa won't bring you
any presents.
NHWhGuy: moms not home
Sillygirll693: Oh that's right, she's working. And she will probably have
breakfast with her pimp when her shift is over.
NHWhGuy: fuck u
Sillygirll693: baaaaaaaaa
NHWhGuy: fat ugly dike
Sillygirll693: that's DYKE you uneducated drip of snot.
Sillygirll693: If I am a fat ugly dyke, then why do you want to cyber me?
NHWhGuy: cant get a man
Sillygirll693: Oh, don't give up so easily, Junior. I know there is a perfect
man out there somewhere just waiting for you.
NHWhGuy: no u cant get a man
Sillygirll693: I am a dyke, remember, genius?
NHWhGuy: hope u get shit for xmas
Sillygirll693: Was that an insult? Allright junior!! Way to go!!
NHWhGuy: fuck u
Sillygirll693: Don't hold back now!
NHWhGuy: fat ass
Sillygirll693: baaaaaaaaa.. baaaaaaaa
Sillygirll693: Well junior, thank you so much for entertaining me. I
always enjoy watching a dildo like you make a complete ass of himself.
NHWhGuy: u r a fucken fat ass dike bitch
Sillygirll693: That's a good boy. I am
sure your parents will be proud when they read this.
NHWhGuy: they wont read it
Sillygirll693: They will when I mail it to the master screen name account of the computer you are using right now.
NHWhGuy: u cant do that
Sillygirll693: Why don't you just wait and see?
NHWhGuy: no
Sillygirll693: yesssss!
NHWhGuy: r u goin to mail it
Sillygirll693: Junior, this is such a classic I am going to mail it to everyone I know, INCLUDING your parents and AOL
NHWhGuy: please dont
Sillygirll693: Now its please...
NHWhGuy: never mind i dont want cyber u
Sillygirll693: Oh how disappointing.
NHWhGuy: i want be frends
Sillygirll693: I am sure you will make lots of new friends in prison.
NHWhGuy: bye
Sillygirll693: bye Junior.. don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.
NHWhGuy: what
Sillygirll693: I said go smell a fart.
NHWhGuy: No u didnt
Sillygirll693: Say no to drugs!
NHWhGuy: u r werd
Sillygirll693: And you have the brains of a doorknob. Good luck in prison,
and remember my barn door is always open to you.
NHWhGuy: bitch
Sillygirll693: don't go away mad..just go away

Here's the good part... an hour later I went to put this guy's name on my idiot list for future reference.. and it said he wasn't a member. Either he changed his SN immediately, or he's not on AOL...
hmmmmmm......
Anyway, everyone keep an eye out for him, and let him have it if you see him...LMAOFF

 

[melody]

The Golden Years

I cannot see I cannot pee

I have no heart I cant fart

My hearing sinks my memory shrinks

My body’s drooping got trouble pooping

The golden years have come at last

The golden years can kiss my ***
=====

There once was a man named O'Doul,
Who discovered red spots on his tool,
He went to the doc,
Who examined his cock,
And said "Wipe off the lipstick, you fool!"

=====

Two girls were discussing their heavy smoking habits.

"I get such a yen for a cigarette," said one, "that the only effective countermeasure is to pop a Life Saver into my mouth and suck strongly."

"That's all very well for you," huffed her friend.

"But I don't happen to live in a house that's right on the beach!"

 

[melody]

Two Guys Are Stranded

Two guys are stranded in the desert dying of thirst. As they're walking along they see a little shack. They run up to it and knock on the door. This big, fat, hairy, smelly, ugly, lady answers. The first man tells the lady about their situation and begs her for a drink.

The women says, "Sure, if you fuck me."

The first man replies, "I would rather die in this desert, then sleep with your fat smelly ass."

The second man wants to live and agrees to do the deed. The second man and the women enter the shack, leaving the first man outside. The women says, "fuck me then!" The man agrees to do it only if she will close her eyes. He looks around the shack and sees a table full of corn on the cob. He picks one up, fucks her with it and throws it out the window. The women opens her eyes and asks for it again.

The man agrees and repeats the deed. The women is finally satisfied and agrees to give the gentleman and his friend some water. The man calls his friend in and informs him that the women is going to give them some water.

The friend replies, "Fuck the water, I want some more of that buttered corn."